Sometimes, an older parent may express a desire to leave assisted living and return to independent living or at-home care.. There are many reasons why your parent might want to leave assisted living, from discomfort at a perceived loss of independence, to having trouble integrating into the new environment, to legitimate complaints about a community’s services.
If your parent indicates that they want to leave assisted living, listen and talk to them in a thoughtful and compassionate way. Advocate for your parent and help them navigate activities and resources in their community, or—if necessary—help them find a community or lifestyle that meets their needs.
How to Talk to Your Parent
Communicate with a careful balance of empathy, respect, and patience. Here are some suggestions to help you approach the conversation:
- Acknowledge that this is a difficult situation. Validate your parent’s concerns. They may be lonely, frustrated, or simply missing their own home. Avoid saying “I know how you feel” because this suggests that you’re not taking the time to listen and understand. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and show empathy. Building trust opens the door to more productive discussions.
- Speak respectfully. Remember that your parent is an adult with autonomy and a lifetime of experience. Approach the conversation respectfully and honor their dignity. Think of your conversation as a collaborative team effort instead of telling them what to do. For example, you might say, “I’d like to understand more about what’s making you feel unhappy here,” rather than, “This is what’s best for you.” Avoid labeling your parent with negative words like “stubborn” and “childish.”
- Let your parent express their needs. Give your parent the space to articulate what’s on their mind. Perhaps they have an unmet need or unaddressed concern. Ask open-ended questions. Invite them to tell you their biggest challenge, what they miss most, or what would improve their experience.
- Listen. Don’t interrupt your parent as they speak and avoid jumping to conclusions or going into “fix it” mode too quickly. Try active listening techniques like using “I” statements and paraphrasing what they say to make sure you’ve understood correctly.
Ways to Help Your Parent
Once you better understand your parent’s concerns, there are actionable steps you can take to improve their quality of life and experience in assisted living.
- Advocate for your parent. If your parent raises legitimate issues about their living environment, such as concerns over the food or available activities, you can advocate on their behalf. Staff are often eager to help and may not be aware of your parent’s specific needs or preferences. For example, if your parent feels lonely, you might work with the staff to identify opportunities for them to engage in social activities or find a companion who shares their interests.
- Explore activities together. Boredom and isolation are common reasons why some seniors feel dissatisfied in assisted living communities. However, many assisted living communities, including Bentley Commons at Paragon Village, offer a variety of social, physical, spiritual, and creative activities. You can go over the community’s activity schedule with your parent, or even join them in an activity as an opportunity to do so. Doing this not only introduces them to new opportunities but also strengthens your bond with one another.
- Discover available resources together. Assisted living communities often provide resources and services such as scheduled transportation and a full-service beauty salon and barbershop. Take time to meet with the staff to learn more about what’s available. Being proactive and showing your parent that you’re both on the same team can alleviate feelings of helplessness they may be experiencing.
Remember to Care for Yourself
Supporting a loved one in assisted living can also take a toll on your mental and physical health. It’s vital to prioritize self-care and acknowledge that caregiver fatigue is real.
Balancing the emotional demands of caregiving with your other responsibilities can be overwhelming. It’s okay to feel drained, stressed, or unsure of how to proceed. Give yourself permission to rest when needed and seek support from other family members, friends, a counsellor, or caregiver support groups.
Recognizing your needs doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you capable of providing better care to your loved one over the long term.
Take the Next Step Toward Peace of Mind
You don’t have to do this alone. Experienced assisted living providers like Bentley Commons at Paragon Village are here to support both you and your older parent through the challenges of aging. Our caring staff can guide you through finding solutions that meet your parent’s needs.
Contact us today to consult with us or schedule a tour, and discover how we can support your family in this next chapter.